New Year's Resolutions Facebook status ideas

Mary will stop saying," Ooh, that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisk me at airports
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Mary will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Niamh will take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Celia will think of a password other than "password"
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Callum will assure his lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Joe I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Callum will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Tim will only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Joe will stop tagging pictures of himself in pictures even when he's not in them
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

James will stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with his wife & kids
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Joe will do less laundry and use more deodorant
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Daniel will stop replying to funny jokes he hears by saying, "L.O.L ... L.O.L"
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Katie will work with neglected children. (my own)
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions

Mary will stop using the following phrase at work, "Deal..." (dramatic pause) "Or No Deal..."
8 months ago under New Year's Resolutions