New Year's Resolutions Facebook status ideas

Jade will stop saying," Ooh, that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisk me at airports
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Simon will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Craig will take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Katie will think of a password other than "password"
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Ben will assure his lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Sam I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Bernie will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Harry will only pay for sex if the price seems really, really reasonable
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Becky will stop tagging pictures of herself in pictures even when she's not in them
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Ben will stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with his wife & kids
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Elizabeth will do less laundry and use more deodorant
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Elizabeth will stop replying to funny jokes she hears by saying, "L.O.L ... L.O.L"
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Bernie will work with neglected children. (my own)
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions

Craig will stop using the following phrase at work, "Deal..." (dramatic pause) "Or No Deal..."
3 years ago under New Year's Resolutions